Being A Good Neighbor

First, this post isn't about State Farm Insurance. Rather, this is just to send out love to one member of our human family, Vincenzo Ricardo. Apparently he died a year ago. And his body was just found, sitting in his home, on his sofa, watching TV:

Man Found in his home, he had been dead for one year

For one year Vincenzo Ricardo had gone undetected from absolutely everyone in society. It amazes me and saddens me that such could happen.

The neighbors of this man said that they thought this man had moved to a nursing home or other such facility. Even if this had occurred, how sad no one would have visited him. I know how much those in nursing homes appreciate their visitors. Our rehab patients in the nursing home in which I work are lucky to have neighbors who visit them. Sometimes I get frustrated when I am trying to do therapy with someone and their family/friend/neighbor visits or calls. Usually I don't mind these interruptions. But sometimes I am frustrated. I will remember Mr. Ricardo's situation the next time I feel bugged that my therapy session is delayed or interupted due to a phone call or a visit. I will be happy they have someone who is cares about them and is concerned about them. It is said that evidently this real life Mr. Ricardo didn't have neighbors like the Mertzes, ie someone who was always there and aware of all the intricacies of his life.

We need neighbors, we need friends, we need loved ones: we all need people to be concerned about our lives. I have been grateful for neighbors who have helped me, though I am able-bodied, with things like raking leaves or shoveling snow. Even tonight, one neighbor gave me some of her rock salt to help melt the ice on my driveway. I had been to two stores and of course they are all sold out. I slipped on the driveway- my personal ice skating rink- both yesterday and today. Anyway, I know I need to do my part to be a better neighbor and to do better at serving those in my midst.

I don't seek to judge the neighbors of Mr. Ricardo. I am sure they have already punished themselves over what could have been had they noticed earlier. And I am sure many of us would have not noticed what had happened if we had been neighbors of Mr. Ricardo. It's easy for me to sit here in VA and think what should have occurred in Mr. Ricardo's Long Island neighborhood. The question I need to ask myself is if I am being a good enough neighbor to my neighbors here in VA. I can tell you I most certainly am not. One time my next door neighbor was gone for 3 weeks without me noticing. And I know my life is so busy I don't spend enough time working to establish relationships and friendships with my neighbors. Our interactions are generally quick hi's and by's or quick comments about their children or the weather or our commutes.

As a single person, I empathize with Mr. Ricardo's situation. I have sometimes wondered that if I were to suddenly die in my home, how long it would be before someone noticed. I know other singles wonder the same thing. We once had a patient who had suffered a stroke. In his case, he wasn't discovered for 3 days- he was finally noticed when he didn't show up to his job, at that point the state police of his state were notified and broke into his home and were able to get him the needed medical attention. But you wonder how he would have faired had he been discovered earlier.

As for me, my coworkers would notice if I didn't show up to work. I would be noticed for my absence if I didn't show up to teach my primary class. But were it not for the obligations, duties and committments of my life, I wonder how many days would go by before I would be noticed, if I had died in my home. One time a few months ago, several of the Activity Day girls showed up to Activity Days. (our twice a month evening church learning/teaching activity for 8-11 year old girls). Except they had gotten confused about the week and so it wasn't an Activity Day night and so I wasn't there. I was very touched when the father of one of the girls later told me that his daughter was concerned about me and wanted to check up on me, since I wasn't there. I don't talk to my parents every day. I don't talk to good friends every day. This makes me realize how I need to do better on checking up on those about whom I care. I've always thought of this "checking up on" more as something that old people do, for instance, I had a recent patient who told me how she and several of her friends call each other daily to check that all is well. Maybe this is something us younger people who live alone need to start doing.

Though I recently linked to the following essay by Dr. Edwin Leap, I will again include this powerful essay, The Golden Rule Revisited This is one of the best essays that I've ever read that eloquently teaches us about how we should treat our fellow human beings, especially the elderly.

Allow me to quote the last paragraph from Leap's essay:

"My career as an emergency physician has taught me something very important about dealing with the sick and injured, whether young or old. It has taught me that the Golden Rule also can be stated this way: "Do unto others as you would have others do unto your children." I think that this is a powerful way to improve our interactions with others, not just in medicine but in every action of our lives. And it is certainly a unique way to view our treatment of the elderly. For one day all our children will be old. And only if this lesson has been applied will they be treated with anything approaching the love that only we, their parents, hope for them to always have."

It is a lesson I hope I can always remember and apply in all aspects of my life- with work, family, friends, neighbors and random people I meet each day. Like the famous song states, "People need people." We can't be everything or do everything for everyone. But hopefully we can at least do a little better, to be a little better.

This story is a powerful reminder and incentive to me to try to be a better neighbor. I hope the neighbors of Mr. Ricardo will not feel bad or beat themselves up about that horrible discovery. They've truly learned a most painful lesson. Hopefully we can vicariously learn through these individuals. So no matter where anyone lives, I hope all people who learn of this story will just work harder to be a better friend and neighbor to those in their neighborhoods and in their lives. And in so doing, hopefully this very sad ending to the life of Mr. Vincenzo Ricardo will not have been in vain.