I'm Back (I hope!!!)

I haven't written in so long! So much has gone on in this past year, it has been one of the most difficult years of my life. I have sometimes thought of potential blog posts but haven't written them.
I want to return to this format of journaling aspects of my life; My hope is that it will be of help to me.

So the biggest change is I have a new job! I now work as an OT in home health and it has been a good learning experience and I'm thankful for good coworkers and patients. Long story but I got the boot from the nursing home. Last year, a private company that specializes in providing therapists to nursing homes took over our rehab department. Essentially I lost my position for not being "productive" enough for their (unrealistic) standards which is definied as strictly billable time. I absolutely detest the word productive thanks to last year!!! I was harassed by the company throughout the year, ie that if I didn't improve my billable time, I'd lose my job. Somewhere in my draft email I have a draft blog that details some of this.

This has also been a year that has been extra hard due to the being single at this age thing. Everyone who is single at this age has a different story and different situation, and we shouldn't ever judge or criticize those who have spells of feeling depressed. Because I am so private in this area, people don't know the details of my journey in this area. Another hard part of this is the realization that I probably most likely won't get to have my own child in this life. And that really hurts to the core of my soul. I try so hard to be happy for others who get to have children, and I feel badly that my joy for others isn't as full as it should be since there is a part of me that wishes I too could have that same happiness. Yes I can serve and listen to hymns and pray but it is still hard and I have yet to come to a place of "peaceful acceptance" in this area. I've prayed for a long time that if no guy is going to like me and if I'm not going to be able to get married, then for Heavenly Father to please remove those desires to be married and have a child from me. My thought is if the feelings of pain can be removed, then I can be more productive in the areas that really matter, ie in giving better service to others and radiating a happier countenance. But these feelings don't go away and I feel I spend more time feeling unhappy about my circumstance than I should and I am not as effective in my daily doings as I'd like to be.

Anyway. Enough for now!!!