A Time for Happy News, A Time for Sad News

Well, I will try to start blogging away. My day was ok today. It went smoothly, and I enjoyed working with each of my patients. One of them even gave me a little kiss today! When I leaned in to listen to what one of my patients was attempting to tell me ( as I didn't quite catch what she was saying), she gave me a little kiss on the cheek! I hope she didn't think I was soliciting that kiss.

I hurried to finish work, as tonight was the Activity Day activity. I am one of the assistant leaders. Activity Day is sort of analoygous to a Cub Scout thing for young girls of the Church of Latter-Day Saints between 8-11 years old. We have a spiritual message and do some sort of activity to help them prepare for young women's (the program for girls 12-18). Areas in which we work include service, developing talents. learning about the gospel and preparing to enter the young women's program. More on this some other blog.


Anway, I called my dad en route to this activity. Yeah, I was a big hypocrit since I am against driving while using a cell phone. More on this some other blog. Anyway, my dad shared that my sister Shanna, who is expecting, will be having a girl! Yeah! We knew a new baby was on the way to join her big brother and big sister, but we didn't know its sex. So some happy news for my family.
Meanwhile, at the activity evening thing, I learned that one of our devoted ward members (a ward is the word we use in LDS nomenculture for congregation) had some sad news in their family. Their young nephew was killed in a tragic accident. It is impossible to even comprehend that type of pain and agony. All you can do is pray and hope that will provide some comfort, some how.


As to some good news: one of the regulars on one of my favorite LDS-themed message forums, just revealed that she and her husband will be able to adopt a child. We are all so happy for her and her husband.


Maybe these aren't the best examples, they are sort of spontaneous examples of how happiness and sadness is somewhat ironic. How do you describe the feeling of happiness for one person and then feel honest devestation, compassion for someone else? How can you feel truly happy for someone else when at the same time, you feel sad for yet another person. This is something that I have often contemplated. I don't know the answer. Maybe the point is that this is all compassion- it is just a different form of compassion due to the different circucmstance.


Another example of this conflicted compassion occurred in August of 1998. It was the day before I moved from Northern Virginia to go to occupational therapy school (OT school) in Florida. My younger sister Lori and I had spent the day visiting the Holocaust museum. It was so sad to see some of the things there that portrayed man's horrible inhumanity to his fellow men. There is something undescribable about seeing strangers view a display in a museum and then turn away with tear-filled eyes. So on that day, while we were on the Metro, I used that time to sign two greeting cards for coworkers at the job I had just left in order to go to grad school. (FYI this job was at The Northern Virginia Training Center, a state residential facility where I worked as a direct care giver serving individuals with profound mental and physical disabilities). Anyway, back to the cards. So one card was for a female coworker on the evening shift who had just had a baby. The other card was for a male coworker on the AM shift. He had a nephew who lived in Richmond, VA. This was a sympathy card as his nephew had been shot 5 times in a drive by shooting.


I had a similar conflicting experience back in March. From the same shopping trip, I had a Happy Birthday card for Princess Natalie, my little niece. I also had a sympathy card for the family of one of my patients. Some of the sparkly glitter from my niece's card sprinkled onto the sympathy card. (Shame on me, I never sent the latter card. I should still do this however.) The funny thing is- the patient loved all things girly. I am sure that she would have loved that glitter!!!


The gamut of human emotions is something. It seems almost sinful to use the same pen to write congratulations on your new baby and words of rejoicing and then with ink from that very same pen to give your deepest condolences. Likewise, with the same pen to wish your niece a happy 4th birthday and then to use that same pen to send thoughts and well wishes to someone who just lost their devoted mother. I have lots of pens. Maybe I should just do better at rotating their use in my card-writing activity.


You see, to use the same pen and the same ink for two cards with such vastly different intents seems almost dishonest. Perhaps a satisfactory answer would be to do as the President of the US does. Just as he supposedly uses an expensive new pen to sign every single bill, perhaps I could use one of my cheap pens to sign every card. In the latter case, what made me feel happy at the time was to say a little prayer that hopefully my little niece could grow up to be as sweet and kind as the lady for whom I had the sympathy card. Actually, none of this is the fault of the pen. Whether writing something happy or something sad, the pen is merely acting as an instrument or agent of the heart and the compassion that it holds (or hopes to hold).


Well, I am up way too late pondering the purpose of pens and of hearts. As you can tell, I don't always think before I write. What I really wanted to say is I am grateful for the gospel message. It is good to know that we can be with our families forever. It is good to know that despite the sad times we will endure in life, there will be happy times of rejoicing as well. That is why I am happy to learn of the birth of a new baby, to hear someone who has longed for a child will get to adopt. It is why I can feel happiness for these people though I wish I had my own husband and my own children. Perhaps that is why despite the devestation of dementia and other lost physical abilities, the patient I mentionned at the onset gave me that little kiss today. The world is ok despite the sadness that occurs. We just need to give each other a little kiss once in awhile. We need to love each other, serve each other and have compassion for each other, throughout both the good and the bad.