Saying Good-Bye to Those We Love

OK, well if you really want insight into my blog name, here's a true thought and ramble of my mind...this post probably will classify as my rambliest post ever. You've been warned!

Since about mid-April, I've been thinking a lot about saying good-bye to those we love. I don't mean the quick bye on a phone call or a quick wave to a coworker when we say see you tomorrow!

In mid-April, April 19th to be exact, one of the counselors in our Bishopric told me that I'd be getting released from a calling that I've grown to really love, this calling has been an important part of my life for just over four years, as an Assistant Activity Day Leader. (In the LDS Church, we are given volunteer jobs. This job has been working w/8-11 year old girls, usually twice a month. The program focuses on developing faith in God and we have fun activities that teach relevant topics.) These girls are awesome, such great people. It has been fun for me since during the day I work w/older people in a nursing home, this calling has helped balance my life out, to an extent.

For at work, I see the great older ladies (and men) at the nursing home, many in the last months and years of their lives, and I observe how they've perseveraed through their life's journey, in both emotional and physical trials. I've met people who've served in the Battle of the Bulge and those who've endured the Great Depression. I've met someone who lost two sons in Vietnam yet still smiles. I've met someone who was treated cruelly as a child yet stated she'd had a good life and felt love from her family. I've met someone who lost a leg in one of World War II's great battles.. and thus every movement in his life was different due to living w/a prosthesis, yet told me in a very firm voice to not be sorry for him, for he had enjoyed a wonderful life and had a wonderful family.

Anyway. I could go on. And in another post, I probably will. But the point is when I see the patients at work, I hope so much that some of those trials do not befall our precious activity day girls. I hope they do not suffer serious disability such as a stroke. I hope they don't fall and break their hip. I hope they don't lose a husband at a young age. I hope that they do not lose the memories of their lives by develping Alzheimer's or another demementia.

But whatever happens, it is good to me to know that these awesome girls have Faith in God and that they will have the gospel in their lives to give them strength in both happy times and in sad times. They have such good families who teach them well. I know these girls will do many wonderful things in their lives.

Good-Bye #1: So when I found out I was going to be released from this calling, I felt sad. Nearly twice a month for four years, I've planned around our meetings. I've scheduled vacation to not conflict w/Activity Days. I've left work early to get there in time. I've stayed up late and gotten up early to prepare. I've tried hard to do a good job though I'm very aware of my weaknesses and faults such as not being as organized as I should have been. Anyway. I actually cried about 10 times that day..perhaps this is too dramatic a description, but at the time, I remember telling someone that I sort of felt like I'd been giving a diagnosis of a terminal illness, in knowing I'd soon be relieved of my duties, with a limited number of meetings to attend, so that others could have a turn meeting and working with these wonderful girls. Anyway, the new leader is a wonderful and caring sister who will do a great job working with these girls. And I am glad I still get to be their friend and say hi to them in the hall at Church,etc.

Still, at times in late April I had thought it didn't seem fair in that those who are mothers have children..and I don't have kids. I thought that those who have children will always get to be with their children, they don't get "released" the way I was getting released. Yet I was getting over the pending release.

Good-Bye #2: I don't mean this as a strange jump in my thought processes, but then something shocking happened. Totally shocking, at the beginning of this month, a young mother in our ward (LDS congregation) passed away very unexpectedly. It was so sad, I've thought so much about her the last two weeks and how hard it must be for her to not be able to continue to raise her young sons in mortality and her heart and hands that have served many, will not be able to continue to help her sons and continue to love them and serve them in mortality. Motherhood is a sacred calling, I believe this. And for this devoted young mother to not be able to continue to raise her sons in this life is something hard for me to understand. Still, I do believe that nurturing opportunities will continue into the next life, and that this mom will be able to continue to influence her children at that time. I also believe that those who have passed away get to continue to "peek in" on their loved ones at critical times in their lives. I'm not sure how it works, but I have hope that this is allowed. Even at the funeral of this sister, one of the speakers alluded to this when he said that she would be able to see them [her sons at key points in life], just that we wouldn't see her smiling face.

Good-Bye #3: the other day at work, I was working with one of my patients. She has the terrible monster called cancer, and sadly it is terminal. Yet she hangs in there and works towards her therapy goals. We are working hard to maximize her independence and quality of life. This lady is a true lady, and she is wise and witty and keeps a postitive attitude though every now and then she does get teary. So the other day, we were walking and she started crying. I could guess why, I knew why she was crying, but I still asked. She said it is hard as one of her children is moving, due to a new venture in that child's life. And in the very near future, another child will be visiting from abroad. But after these visits, due to the cancer, she said she knows she may never see them again. Thus the tears. This actually made me cry a few tears, tears that this lady saw, though my attempt at empathy was probably pathetic. I don't know what to say in times like this. I'm not spiritual enough to say the perfect thing that I'd want to say. So I did mumble something that I did feel when this happens, and alluding to what I wrote in Good-Bye #2, I felt she'd be able to "peek in" on her loved ones. I said I wish I had a cure for cancer. Blah Blah Blah or Mumble Jumble. I wish I knew the best words to say. Afterwards, I wished I'd just said, she could use a camera phone or something. I assured her that we'd be efficient with her therapy time so she could maximize the quality of time in her family visits.

Perhaps there are no words that one can say to someone who is contemplating the separation from loved ones. I can't even imagine how utterly difficult and painful it must be for this lady to think about the fact that her time with her children in this life is limited. These mortal separations are so different from other separations and good-byes in life, such as when a child goes to kindergarten and cries. For those of us who are LDS, it is helpful as we believe that families are eternal and that those relationships can last forever.

But still it isn't easy to say good-bye to those we love. I remember being a brave girl on the first day of Kindergarten..I didn't cry, yet I recall a boy who did! And then when my parents left me at BYU, I recall crying as they drove away, leaving my on my own!

Anyway, I've rambled enough. I know I don't have a real conclusion. I don't really even know what the point of this rambling post is. I do know good-byes are hard. I know the fact that I will miss serving the Activity Day girls is absolutely positively nothing compared to the losses of the two devoted mothers that I describe in Goodbye #2 and Goodbye #3.

The one good thing is that as we go through life, we get a chance to meet people and serve them and love them. Some, like the moms I describe above, get to have children and love them. How painful to contemplate the good-byes. But it is good to have a chance to love those we meet in life's path.

I'm grateful for the time I've been able to serve in Activity Days. I'm grateful for the people I meet at Church and at work. I am grateful for the Priesthood Power, for this is the power that can bind families in the eternities and gives hope that people will live forever with their loved ones in the next life.